You don't owe someone respect just because they're older
Age doesn't turn an opinion into an order. A job title doesn't turn rudeness into wisdom.
Then what happens? Do they hand you the correct answer on your birthday? Does the cake come with a certificate allowing you to interrupt people and stop explaining your decisions?
They've lived longer than you. That's a fact. Everything else remains to be established.
Experience can be extremely useful. Some people have seen things you haven't, made the mistakes you're about to make, and learned to spot a problem before it becomes yours.
I'll gladly listen to them. Especially if they can explain what happened and why they reached that conclusion.
But sometimes twenty years of experience turns out to be one year repeated twenty times. The same habits. The same explanations. The same certainty that anything new is bullshit because it didn't exist before.
Length of service alone doesn't tell you what someone learned.
What irritates me is the demand for respect when respect means silence. Don't be rude: a reasonable request. Don't humiliate people: also reasonable. But agree with me? Give me money? Let me run your life? That's a very different list of services.
You can be polite to a relative without following their instructions. Recognize your boss's expertise in one area and disagree in another. Help an elderly person without treating every thought they have as a revelation.
Nothing breaks. Except the convenient arrangement where your decency is measured by your obedience.
“You don't speak to your elders like that” sounds especially beautiful after twenty minutes of an elder speaking to you like furniture.
Apparently age comes with different terms of service. One person gets to shout, belittle you, and intrude where they weren't invited. The other must watch their tone so they don't spoil the atmosphere.
Such touching concern for the atmosphere. It usually appears exactly when the accommodating person stops putting up with it.
This isn't limited to age. A job title, a degree, family status, an expensive office: anything will do if it gets you out of answering the actual question.
“Do you know who you're talking to?” Yes. Someone who hasn't yet explained why they're right.
A boss may have the authority to make a decision. That doesn't make it intelligent. A parent may sincerely worry about you. That doesn't mean they know better than you what kind of life you want.
It helps to distinguish someone's authority from the quality of their argument. And from the quality of their treatment of you.
I'm not suggesting a rudeness competition or proving your independence to everyone you meet. Sometimes calmly disagreeing is enough. Sometimes you end the conversation. Sometimes you have to account for your dependence and choose a moment when saying no won't leave you homeless.
But even then, you don't have to privately accept humiliation as wisdom. You can understand what's happening while you look for a way out.
And yes, one day you'll be the older person. I hope by then you'll have something to contribute besides your age.
Because “I've been alive longer” is a weak explanation for why someone else should live your way.