From the archive

You're not a good person. You're just afraid of conflict

Saying no can put someone in a bad mood. That's uncomfortable. They might be disappointed, argue, tell you you've changed. And this is where a lot of people surrender before the conversation even starts. They need to find a way of phrasing the refusal that everyone will like. So nobody feels inconvenienced, nobody gets upset, nobody thinks anything bad about them. That wording might not exist. Someone wanted something from you, and they didn't get it. They're allowed to be unhappy about that. You're allowed not to fix it immediately by surrendering.