From the archive

An apology without change is permission to do it again

I find it useful to ask not only “Do you understand?” but “What happens differently now?” Who repairs the consequences? How will you spot a repeat earlier? What happens if it does recur? Not for the sake of an elegant agreement that can also be broken. For specifics. So you're discussing observable actions instead of the depth of remorse, which nobody can measure. Sometimes this is where you discover that someone is prepared to feel a great deal and do almost nothing. Then the conversation gets shorter. Though less comfortable.